6 - [Voice]

[kinslayer]

[The PCD clicks on and Itachi's voice, still feminine, speaks up.]

Wari-san I have the materials you need. When would you like them?

[Rustling of paper, and the voice turns disdainful.]

Kakashi-san, if I find your erotic literature on the table again, I will burn it. I don't even want to touch it.

Be glad I found it before Yachiru-kun did.

Comments

[Private to Itachi // Unhackable]

[al_truism]

Perhaps I am kind to you because I want to be, Itachi. Is that so hard for you to accept? You seem eager to place me into a category without accepting that maybe I'm just being me.

I can be polite and soft-spoken and still show you my harder side when the situation calls for it.

[Al's eyes calmly turn away for a moment, listening, then thinking over the words. There's still the feel of a storm cloud, just after a lightning strike, emotions roiling just beneath the surface.]

We know very well of our weakness, Itachi. But the strength of that connection, the benefits, far outshine any drawbacks. You simply managed to hit a very raw nerve. If you cannot behave yourself, I'd appreci-

Do not speak with him.

I'm not asking you to be nice to me. You can just be yourself. But that doesn't mean I'll respond well to intentional cruelty.

[Private to Al // Unhackable]

[kin-slayer.livejournal.com]

And why would you wish to be kind, Alphonse-kun? I admit that puzzles me--in nearly every other way you seem quite intelligent.

Yes, you can. As you have demonstrated.

[Itachi remains still and watchful; at the moment his emotions are so far beyond unreadable he might as well be a robot.]

Much better.

I do not think I will refrain from conversing with him just for you, Alphonse-kun, but I will not actively provoking him. I have no reason to. I learned what I wanted. If my methods were cruel, than so be it.

[Private to Itachi // Unhackable]

[al_truism]

[Al's voice is not derisive or pitying, he just sounds a bit wistful.]

I know you're capable of being kind, yourself. You were naturally kind once. I wish I could see the way you were with Sasuke back then.

I'd love to meet the big brother he loved so much. I've seen glimpses of him, but he always disappears when you realize you're slipping.

[Private to Al // Unhackable]

[kin-slayer.livejournal.com]

Ah. Yes. My deep dark secrets, how could I forget them?

And what would you do if you met that man Alphonse-kun? I'm curious.

[Private to Itachi // Unhackable]

[al_truism]

I might be in danger of becoming attached to him.

[Private to Al// Unhackable]

[kin-slayer.livejournal.com]

We would not want that, now would we?

It is a good thing he does not exist, or we would have to keep you away from him.

[Private to Itachi // Unhackable]

[al_truism]

[A deep, heaving sigh before Al gives a sad little smile.]

Hn.

[Private to Al // Unhackable]

[kin-slayer.livejournal.com]

[Itachi stares at the screen a moment, eyes distant. There is a long moment before he actually speaks, and his words are almost reluctant.]

I cannot decide if I am grateful that you are so stubborn, or annoyed that I give in, Alphonse-kun.

I keep telling you, directly and indirectly, that speaking to me is not in your best interest, and you keep ignoring this. And I even feel remotely gratified by that.

[Itachi appears like he's about to say more than simply stops, eyes lowering until there's no hint of pupil through the lashes, and his expression is completely closed off.]

[Private to Itachi // Unhackable]

[al_truism]

[For a time Al says nothing, just sits there with his knees drawn up to his chest, arms around them and hair falling down over one shoulder. Then he tips his head to one side and the smile stays the same size, only more gentle than sad. His voice is soft, but not patronizing.]

You'll come to find, Itachi, that I almost never do things the easy way.

[He says nothing more for a time, but by his little smile and the look in his eyes, there's the sense that he understands what Itachi was trying to say.]

[Private to Al // Unhackable]

[kin-slayer.livejournal.com]

Hm.

[Itachi doesn't move or speak for a while, eyes still lowered and hidden.]

Perhaps that makes two of us, Alphonse-kun.

[Private to Itachi // Unhackable]

[al_truism]

[Al drops a hand to touch the side of the PCD. It doesn't seem like he's doing anything with it, more like he's trying to create contact of some sort, even if it isn't physical.]

Maybe we're more alike than we seem on the surface.

[As soon as Al says that, he gives a little expelling of air, as if he can't believe he said it out loud, followed by an amused chuckle.]

[Private to Al // Unhackable]

[kin-slayer.livejournal.com]

[Itachi again remains still and quiet for a while.]

Hm. Yet perhaps not all that surprising. You are much more than you seem on the surface.

[Private to Itachi // Unhackable]

[al_truism]

Mmn. You as well. Those worth knowing always are.

[Private to Al // Unhackable]

[kin-slayer.livejournal.com]

...

[A long pause, and Itachi is so still and quite, eyes downcast in such a way that he almost appears to have gone to sleep.]

Hm. I am not prone to wishing, but I do wish you'd--

No. Never mind. Thank you for the sentiment, Alphonse-kun.

[Private to Itachi // Unhackable]

[al_truism]

[Al holds up a finger and beams.]

No, no-- now you have to tell me. Especially with a buildup like that.

[Private to Al // Unhackable]

[kin-slayer.livejournal.com]

... Very well, Alphonse-kun. If you insist.

[Itachi opens his eyes and stares at the screen full on, eyes red, face still.]

I am tired. Very, very tired. I believe my judgment may be severely impacted for a number of reasons.

Nevertheless I will finish my thought.

I wish you would stop reminding me what it is like to be human.

You accuse me of being cruel.

[Private to Itachi // Unhackable]

[al_truism]

[For a long time, Al just stares at the screen. He blinks a few times, rather fast, as if he's trying to hold back tears, but none ever show. His expression is tight. Several times it seems like he's about to say something, but then he doesn't.]

You... are... human, Itachi.

I don't know why you've chosen to believe that you have to deny yourself happiness, but you do deserve it.

You deserve to laugh and smile and have friends, and be loved. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

[Al blinks, and a tear falls from his right eye, leaving a shimmering line down the side of his cheek, but his eyes are deadly serious.]

Especially yourself.

[Private to Al // Unhackable]

[kin-slayer.livejournal.com]

[Itachi watches Al on the PCD for a while, his expression empty, more drained than distant--detached from everything. including himself. There's a deep, deep weariness there.]

I deserve?

[No emotion or heat, just irony and sadness.]

You have no idea what I deserve, Alphonse-kun. You have no idea what I have made myself, willingly, knowingly.

Laughing, smiling, loving, having friends? I traded those for something else a long time ago. I knew what I was doing. Do not pity me. Do not dare.

It was worth it. No matter what I become, it was worth it Alphonse-kun.

But I wish you would stop reminding me of what I was--your compassion is sweet but misguided.

[Private to Itachi // Unhackable]

[al_truism]

[Al closes his eyes for a time, and sighs softly, almost soundlessly.]

You're so preoccupied with strength, Itachi. Strength, and your own ideals.

Maybe you thought it was something better, but are you happy? Are you really and truly happy?

...

Here in this world, many of your problems will have vanished even if some remain. There are no more outside issues. It's a chance to make a new start for yourself. You're so concerned with the past, Itachi. You don't have to forget, but you can't walk into the future backwards.

You're always trying to tell me to be who I truly am. Maybe it's time to start listening to your own advice, just a little bit.

[Private to Al // Unhackable]

[kin-slayer.livejournal.com]

[Itachi closes his eyes and leans his forehead into his palm.]

Stop it.

[His voice is openly tired, weary, bordering on resigned.]

Please.

[Private to Itachi // Unhackable]

[al_truism]

[Al stops right away, and after a moment shifts forwards, touching the PCD.]

Okay.

[Private to Al // Unhackable]

[kin-slayer.livejournal.com]

[There is the smallest hint of a smile behind that hand, but it is not a happy smile. It is an upturn of lips in an ironic expression of extreme pain, deeply buried, but there. Itachi's voice is soft, mild.]

Thank you.

[Private to Itachi // Unhackable]

[al_truism]

... Itachi... if I offered, next time we're around each other, and there's nobody there...

... would you let me give you a hug?

[Private to Al // Unhackable]

[kin-slayer.livejournal.com]

[Itachi actually makes something of a choked noise in the back of his throat, and his hand moves to cover his eyes. Part of his mouth and chin are visible, and his lips are pulled back, teeth clenched together in what could be a snarl, or a grimace, or pain; with the rest of his face hidden behind his hand it's hard to tell.

He says nothing for a few minutes, silent and tense before he replies, voice cracking. For Itachi's cool reserve the crack is almost like wild hysteria.]

Sure. Why not?

[Private to Itachi // Unhackable]

[al_truism]

[Al's voice suddenly becomes soft, gentle, comforting.]

Okay... shhh, don't worry...

[If it were anyone else, Al would keep talking, or hum softly, or put an arm around them, but he's not there and can't do the last one so he stays silent for several heartbeats. He whispers, and it's barely audible.]

Oh, Itachi...

[Al closes his eyes, and his voice comes back, loud enough to be heard clearly, but still soft.]

... do you want to be left alone, or should I stay...?