kinslayer | 6 - [Voice]

[Al's eyes dart away, and he bites his lower lip, more viciously than normal, hard enough that it leaves lingering red marks.]

As if I care right now whether you like me.

Don't go all life-lessons on me. I know very well that I'm too soft-hearted for my own good, I don't need you to mess with my head to know that.

But fine. I'll keep that in mind for the next time you try to screw around. I'm fine with games, Itachi, but I do not appreciate you jerking me around.

[Itachi remains still and distant, eyes almost closed. He looks half asleep, except for the glint of dark eyes watching the screen through thick lashes.]

You really should not hold back what you want to say, at least not to me, Alphonse-kun. If for no other reason than I am unlikely to take you seriously otherwise.

Obviously you know it, if you've chosen not to change it why should I interfere? It is what you have decided on.

Games? Do not mistake me for your friends the Joker or Miho-san. I do not like to play. But you only stop holding back after the games begin around you. I can play if I need to, and well.

Frankly I'd rather forgo the entire opening act and skip straight to having you stop hiding when you deal with me. In turn I won't play these ridiculous ploys.

[Al sits back on his bed, and he listens, expression floating between tight-lipped anger, annoyance, and a blankness remniscent of Itachi's own expressions. However, he does seem to think it over.]

For the most part, I go with what I naturally feel. It's only when I'm angry or feeling stressed that I hold back.

You, of all people, have gotten me to show parts of myself that I never thought I had, and that more importantly, I'm not sure I honestly like. I don't mean to keep the fact that I've got a spine under wraps, but people act like they're surprised when they see it.

I'm going to be me whether you like it or not, Itachi.

But I will stop holding back, if it means that much to you.

[Itachi is still laying on his side. He crosses his arms in front of him and lays his chin on his forearms, ponytail falling forward over one shoulder and pooling over his arms and the covers.]

Admirable restraint around most, I suppose. However I am not most and I do not appreciate it. I find it somewhat insulting.

Have I? Perhaps it is better you discover them now, so they won't be so much of a surprise later on. If they are new sides of yourself to you, perhaps you are holding back more than you realize.

Yes, but will you be entirely you? I think I have seen the partial front you put on for the benefit of others, and frankly I only accept that it is real half the time; that you are genuinely entirely you...

You hold back for the sake of others, so as not to shock them with the edge underneath. I have opinions on this, but as long as you do not insult my intelligence by keeping the sword behind the velvet, I really don't care how you act with others. Keep them protected in that all too gentle way of yours, if you think it serves them or you.

I actually find it somewhat funny that you find my being nice insulting, and you'd prefer threats instead.

[Al softens up a bit, tugging his own golden ponytail over his shoulder, where it shines in the lamplight. He runs his fingers through it, almost as if he's petting a kitten, and it seems to calm him down.]

No. I knew about these sides, I simply don't have to show them because my brother's more vocal with his temper. I'm content to let him act as the violent or tempermental one of us. I hold him back when he flies off the handle. When it comes time for gentleness and someone needs protection or talking to, or we interact with strangers, he lets me do the talking and listening for him.

We both play up our natural qualities to do what we're best at. That's why we function well as a team.

We're something like two halves of the same whole, but we will compensate for each other if we're seperated.

He knows about it, but I rarely have to bring it out in front of him. Usually it's only when someone hurts him, or he doesn't immediately jump to my defense before I have a chance to do it myself.

[Al's eyes open, like he's realizing this for himself, as he explains it.]

I don't hold back so I don't shock people. I hold back because it's habit.

[Itachi listens silently. He has a way of being still and completely focused that is almost like an aura--non-motion and measured control almost radiate from him. He exists in his own private world, detached from everything, and it is more apparent than usual right now. It's almost creepy, because it is an ever present distance, a sort of background that's always there, but right now it's in the foreground.]

I was raised to be polite and soft-spoke, Alphonse-kun. I find you being nice to me insulting, when I know there is more there. I could not care less how you interact with others.

I understand the dynamics of a partnership. I have a partner back in my world who customarily handled the social interactions we encountered--I had grown used to letting him be the speaker. As he is much more eye-catching and willing to be social than I, I was content to remain background to him. I would be content to return to that if he ever appeared--but just as you and your brother are, I am more than capable of independence without him.

And we are certainly not two halves. Not any more than Sasuke and I are. Such a deep connection to another person seems a weakness, waiting to be exploited.

It only took a handful of words to cause both you and Edward-kun pain, Alphonse-kun. How much more vivid the agony if someone who truly means you harm tries it, or something more physical?

If it is a habit than keep it if you must, but I will not promise to be nice back.

Perhaps I am kind to you because I want to be, Itachi. Is that so hard for you to accept? You seem eager to place me into a category without accepting that maybe I'm just being me.

I can be polite and soft-spoken and still show you my harder side when the situation calls for it.

[Al's eyes calmly turn away for a moment, listening, then thinking over the words. There's still the feel of a storm cloud, just after a lightning strike, emotions roiling just beneath the surface.]

We know very well of our weakness, Itachi. But the strength of that connection, the benefits, far outshine any drawbacks. You simply managed to hit a very raw nerve. If you cannot behave yourself, I'd appreci-

Do not speak with him.

I'm not asking you to be nice to me. You can just be yourself. But that doesn't mean I'll respond well to intentional cruelty.

And why would you wish to be kind, Alphonse-kun? I admit that puzzles me--in nearly every other way you seem quite intelligent.

Yes, you can. As you have demonstrated.

[Itachi remains still and watchful; at the moment his emotions are so far beyond unreadable he might as well be a robot.]

Much better.

I do not think I will refrain from conversing with him just for you, Alphonse-kun, but I will not actively provoking him. I have no reason to. I learned what I wanted. If my methods were cruel, than so be it.

[Al's voice is not derisive or pitying, he just sounds a bit wistful.]

I know you're capable of being kind, yourself. You were naturally kind once. I wish I could see the way you were with Sasuke back then.

I'd love to meet the big brother he loved so much. I've seen glimpses of him, but he always disappears when you realize you're slipping.

Ah. Yes. My deep dark secrets, how could I forget them?

And what would you do if you met that man Alphonse-kun? I'm curious.

I might be in danger of becoming attached to him.

We would not want that, now would we?

It is a good thing he does not exist, or we would have to keep you away from him.

Edited 2008-08-29 01:35 (UTC)

[A deep, heaving sigh before Al gives a sad little smile.]

Hn.

[Itachi stares at the screen a moment, eyes distant. There is a long moment before he actually speaks, and his words are almost reluctant.]

I cannot decide if I am grateful that you are so stubborn, or annoyed that I give in, Alphonse-kun.

I keep telling you, directly and indirectly, that speaking to me is not in your best interest, and you keep ignoring this. And I even feel remotely gratified by that.

[Itachi appears like he's about to say more than simply stops, eyes lowering until there's no hint of pupil through the lashes, and his expression is completely closed off.]

[For a time Al says nothing, just sits there with his knees drawn up to his chest, arms around them and hair falling down over one shoulder. Then he tips his head to one side and the smile stays the same size, only more gentle than sad. His voice is soft, but not patronizing.]

You'll come to find, Itachi, that I almost never do things the easy way.

[He says nothing more for a time, but by his little smile and the look in his eyes, there's the sense that he understands what Itachi was trying to say.]

Hm.

[Itachi doesn't move or speak for a while, eyes still lowered and hidden.]

Perhaps that makes two of us, Alphonse-kun.

[Al drops a hand to touch the side of the PCD. It doesn't seem like he's doing anything with it, more like he's trying to create contact of some sort, even if it isn't physical.]

Maybe we're more alike than we seem on the surface.

[As soon as Al says that, he gives a little expelling of air, as if he can't believe he said it out loud, followed by an amused chuckle.]

[Itachi again remains still and quiet for a while.]

Hm. Yet perhaps not all that surprising. You are much more than you seem on the surface.

Mmn. You as well. Those worth knowing always are.

...

[A long pause, and Itachi is so still and quite, eyes downcast in such a way that he almost appears to have gone to sleep.]

Hm. I am not prone to wishing, but I do wish you'd--

No. Never mind. Thank you for the sentiment, Alphonse-kun.

[Al holds up a finger and beams.]

No, no-- now you have to tell me. Especially with a buildup like that.

... Very well, Alphonse-kun. If you insist.

[Itachi opens his eyes and stares at the screen full on, eyes red, face still.]

I am tired. Very, very tired. I believe my judgment may be severely impacted for a number of reasons.

Nevertheless I will finish my thought.

I wish you would stop reminding me what it is like to be human.

You accuse me of being cruel.

[For a long time, Al just stares at the screen. He blinks a few times, rather fast, as if he's trying to hold back tears, but none ever show. His expression is tight. Several times it seems like he's about to say something, but then he doesn't.]

You... are... human, Itachi.

I don't know why you've chosen to believe that you have to deny yourself happiness, but you do deserve it.

You deserve to laugh and smile and have friends, and be loved. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

[Al blinks, and a tear falls from his right eye, leaving a shimmering line down the side of his cheek, but his eyes are deadly serious.]

Especially yourself.

[Itachi watches Al on the PCD for a while, his expression empty, more drained than distant--detached from everything. including himself. There's a deep, deep weariness there.]

I deserve?

[No emotion or heat, just irony and sadness.]

You have no idea what I deserve, Alphonse-kun. You have no idea what I have made myself, willingly, knowingly.

Laughing, smiling, loving, having friends? I traded those for something else a long time ago. I knew what I was doing. Do not pity me. Do not dare.

It was worth it. No matter what I become, it was worth it Alphonse-kun.

But I wish you would stop reminding me of what I was--your compassion is sweet but misguided.

[Al closes his eyes for a time, and sighs softly, almost soundlessly.]

You're so preoccupied with strength, Itachi. Strength, and your own ideals.

Maybe you thought it was something better, but are you happy? Are you really and truly happy?

...

Here in this world, many of your problems will have vanished even if some remain. There are no more outside issues. It's a chance to make a new start for yourself. You're so concerned with the past, Itachi. You don't have to forget, but you can't walk into the future backwards.

You're always trying to tell me to be who I truly am. Maybe it's time to start listening to your own advice, just a little bit.

6 - [Voice]

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